I know that babies don't make a real life out of a fake one. That the difference between before and after is far more complicated than easy polarities.
I know that I'm no wiser a person, though I'm definitely a more purposeful one. When I look at Reese and Elliott, I don't know what it is I'm feeling. I just know that it's right, and it's big, and it's not just love, and it's not just evolution.
I know, that I'm not a good enough writer or thinker, to encapsulate all that this is. And it means too much to me to do anything less than let it be.


Reese is four pounds now. Elliott trails behind by ten ounces. The nurses ask more frequently if we have everything ready at home yet.
I get the feeling Jesse and I have just hit one of those fast moving pockets of time. In five seconds I will open my eyes and there will be a baby in my hands,
instead of this computer.
Five.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One.