It's the last day of 2009. As significant as this year has been; its ending doesn't mean much to me. I can speculate that it only matters when you have regrets. When you feel you're not ready to move forward yet. Sounds like a good enough story, but I think in my case, I just haven't given it much thought.
I worked one day out of the entire month of December. I was home for the holidays. I visited my family and Jesse's family. Tonight I'm to fly out to New York, and I don't want to. I bought my first real maternity pants and I want to wear them out on the town. I want people to see my new belly. In the past two weeks it has gone from chubby to undeniably pregnant. My brain seems to be right on track with my hormones. All I can think about is pregnancy. I dream all day long. As my belly gets bigger, the future gets more real for me.
Yesterday we went in for our 18th week check-up. Jesse met my o.b. for the first time. There wasn't much to do except give us the opportunity to ask questions. The appointment went quickly because Jesse and I are probably overly practical. When he asked us if we had a list of concerns to call off to him, I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Won't all those questions be better answered as I get further along?" I think he didn't register this because he continued his scripted disclaimer that the babies will decide how everything goes.
The only real functionality to our meeting was the doppler which he rolled over my belly to hear the babies' heart beats. I can't articulate what it's like each time we're given more evidence that there are in fact people inside of me.
Not figurative people. Actual people.
I hate that my description stalls at "unbelievable." I'm sure I'll keep reaching for something better, but once again, my brain wanders.
As soon as I look for an analagy of how bizarre this is, my brain computes and the receipt reads:
It's like growing people in your belly.
What was I saying?
Grilled cheese...
I ate it too fast and now I'm having trouble breathing.
These two babies have pushed my stomach up into my lungs and I'm not even five months yet.
Well, tomorrow is a new year and I've got no resolutions.
Pregnancy has safeguarded me from all vices and I don't have to worry about running more or getting a promotion.
I guess that's it 2009.
Planned on writing more in the past five months, but stuff happened.