The Gist

Today was sleepy. I even tried turning in around 7pm. It would have worked. It did work for an hour or so. Up until Jesse came in to be adorable, and woke me up in the process. Closing the balcony door to keep the cold out, and leaving a chocolate truffle on my night stand. Kissing me on the cheek and whispering, "I love you."
Two minutes later I was pulling my pajama pants back on and shuffling down stairs for a glass of soy milk to go with my truffle. And for two more truffles.
One truffle, Jesse?
As he saw me come down stairs he got up to meet me at the bottom. Tilting his head to the side and giving a guilty smile.
Taking my sleepy face into the crook of his neck, he hugged me and apologized for waking me up.
"Yes you did."
But it was fine. He followed me back up to the room with Missouri Breaks to pop in the dvd player. After only a few minutes I turned to try and sleep. But really, I only couldn't watch a movie anymore. I looked blankly at the ceiling. Jesse noticed.
"Nothing's wrong."
Except that I don't really feel like myself. Can't think much. Unable to experience the world around me in a present manner.
Jesse rubbed my back in a circular motion.
Tears sprung up in my eyes, and then retreated.
The feeling passed.
We laughed about something.
We said sweet things to each other.

Once again, sleep wouldn't come. So we both came down stairs for second dinner. Jesse made left over spaghetti and a pancake. I made veggie hot dogs wrapped in tortillas.

There's a lot to get upset about.
But there's no reason to get upset.
As we walked this afternoon, we talked about that.
About recognizing that moment when the people or events around you, get so bizarre, that you're only course of action is to completely dismiss them.
Like when one baby felt very serious, and then another appeared, and it all became very funny.
Or when you get blind sighted by someone, and can't figure out why you ever made them perfect to begin with.

This is how I feel:
Sometimes something huge drops down from the sky and lands right in front of you. It's not what some people call a "hurdle".
And it can't be avoided, dodged, or conquered.
The only course of action is to walk your way around it.
It takes a long time. It's inconvenient. It makes you feel like a rollie pollie some kid arbitrarily picked up and set down somewhere else. Beginning your life long trek all over again.
Forget how long it will take you to get there.
Forget how it felt right before everything changed.
None of it matters.
You are where you are.
And where you're trying to get to isn't really anywhere at all.
Start walking.