I met Jesse's parents last night. They were very sweet people. They had the fireplace lit as we came in, and the radio playing old 70's music. They were very easy to get a long with. I never felt like I was being interviewed. We didn't even focus very much on the pregnancy, the relationship, or what my life is all about. We just made easy conversation naturally.
Tonight I go back to work. I take the red eye to New York and tomorrow I'll end up laying over in Puerto Rico. I don't want to go. I really don't want to go. But I've had plenty of time off and maybe this will be just what I need to get moving. I've been really lazy this past month and haven't kept up with any of my goals. I'll allow myself that, but now I have to get it together and get on.
I felt a few cramps in my abdomen today and it made me nervous. I'm always expecting a miscarriage. I'll feel much better in two weeks when the embryonic stage is over.
I feel like I've been so focused on this pregnancy that I don't have anything interesting to say or think. I'm self conscious about it and will purposefully try to pull myself out of the cycle of obsession.
I need to continue to be a real person. A relatable person. I'll enjoy all of this a lot more if it's not my whole world.

Tomorrow I'll be nine weeks pregnant. I'm mostly tired all the time. Luckily, I haven't had to work very much at all in the past two months.
I told my parents last night. We all had dinner at Andy's place and when there was no more lingering I came out with it. I laughed a lot, and so did Andy and the kids. Mom and dad looked at me in shock. Dad weakly smiling and mom making no effort to hide her destruction. Jesse looked at us in horror. He didn't like the way it was going. That we could all be laughing as these two people got side swiped by the news. We weren't laughing at them though. It was a whole lot of uncontrollable nerves playing through me. When the laughter quieted down, we spoke seriously, and frankly.
Dad was very supportive. Mom took a little while to get her face on and be congratulatory, but she did. Dad left only an hour later, and mom maybe stayed for two. Dad gave Jesse a great blessing and welcome to the family while I sat in the other room trying to calm mom down. She was upset that she had to hear this on the same day she met Jesse. I tried to comfort her in explaining that Jesse's own parents would be in the same boat the following night, but she seemed to hold onto the idea that somehow it was different for her, and in a sense it was. Because the rest of my family has met Jesse, and she hadn't because at the time, I had chosen that she didn't. I wasn't talking to her myself.
Dad pepped up when he began fantasizing about all the pictures he'd take, and I think mom felt better as she realized how useful this would make her in my life.
Josh called Andy angrily, screaming at her for not calling him immediately to give him the scoop.
This morning he called me too, but I haven't got back to him yet.
On the drive back from Palm Springs, Jesse and I talked some more about whether or not I could go back to Jetblue a year after the pregnancy. I got more and more heated about it. I was upset because I felt like in suggesting it as a possibility, he was revealing just how very little he understands what our lives are about to become. Now that we're home, we sit at our respective computers and I think we're feeling a little like we got in our first fight.
In just a few hours we'll be off to meet Jesse's mom and dad. They know that I'm pregnant but they haven't met me yet. I'm sure they're nervous, and I'm certainly nervous, though maybe not as much now that I've experienced telling my own parents.
I've just heated up some manicotti in the microwave. Dinner is only a little while away, but when I get hungry, it's a real kind of hunger. It's a demanding hunger. I wouldn't say that I'm eating a lot more than usual, I just eat more often. In fact, right up until I'm hungry, I have a longer feeling of being full than I did before.
I'm always constipated, and I pee constantly.
My mom told me to keep a pregnancy journal last night, and I realized it's time. I had planned to, but it seemed too soon, or perhaps I was paralyzed with responsibility. I feel that after last night and tonight, I'll start making moves in preperation. There's a lot to plan and a lot that can't be planned for, and hopefully I'll understand both of those categories correctly for the most part.
Most people still don't know that I'm pregnant yet. I'm not sure how I'll approach it deliberately. Jesse and I aren't married, and haven't even been together for a year. But we do live together and it was apparent to everyone early on that this was more serious than usual. Still, there are certain things, that only time can do for a relationship, and we're now going to be working through that in the midst of negotiating a very important project.