Tonight I sat with Elliott in the crook of my right arm.
A big colorful book about the rainforest set before us.
As I read the words in a steady cadence,
he started breathing fast.
Looking down at him, I saw that he was studying all the images with a huge smile on his face.
He was excited.
Then,
still making those audible little breathes,
he began to glance over at me with this smile.
This smile like,
Are you getting all this?
Before swiftly turning back to the book.
So as not to miss anything.

The best.

The boys are asleep for the night, or rather, the next three hours.
A superstition warns me not to say this,
but I have to:
It's getting easier.
The days go by fast.
We laugh.
We dance.
We eat.
We sleep.
On the twelfth of every month I pay all my bills online.
There's the occasional doctor's appointment.
But for every other day,
We laugh.
We dance.
We eat.
We sleep.
I'm experiencing the wonder I missed out on when they first arrived.
I bite my lip when I look at them.
They are just so desirable.

The journey to this moment, well, maybe I'll sit down and really write about that one day.
For now, it means such a great deal to me, that we're here.
I know better than to let anything take this from me.

Elliott and Reese,

You're just about seven months old.
From a gestational stand-point, more like four months.
This past week, Jesse has been driving to West Hollywood every day for work.
It's been the three of us from morning to night.

I'm sweetly surprised to find that managing you on my own is somehow easier than sharing the responsibility.
When there's no one around to take over, I have to be focused.
The result of which is that we've really been enjoying eachother.

I make faces at you while you lay on the floor,
and in response you smile wide, push your chin into your chest, and arch your back.

Your whole body contorts with glee.
It is the most awesome spectacle I've ever laid eyes on.
I want to curse, like, happy curses.
But you're just babies, so instead I say things like,
You are the babiest baby in the whole world!
and,
Will you marry me?

I'm not sure I'm going to be the kind of mom who remembers the exact day you rolled from your back to your belly,
but I'll never forget the moment I realized
we were having fun.


I love you completely.

Momma